The "F-Word"

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Excerpt From The Relationship Handbook: How to Understand

and Improve Every Relationship in Your Life
by Kevin B. Burk

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I’d like to invite you to consider a powerful concept. This

concept is essential–we must learn how to master it if we

want to experience the levels of joy, happiness, love and

prosperity that are our birthright. Many of us, however,

resist this concept. We use it sparingly, if at all, and

occasionally, we won’t even consider it as an option. In

fact, for many of us, this concept is so emotionally charged

that I hesitate to even name it, because if I call it

anything other than the “f-word” it could put our egos on

high alert.

You see, in many cases, avoiding this concept is the ego’s

front line defense–an effort to protect us from experiencing

pain. The ego believes that if we embraced the “f-word” we

would be defenseless at best, and at worst, we would be

destroyed completely. Of course, it doesn’t help that most

of us have a somewhat ego- and fear-based understanding of

the “f-word” that makes it less than appealing. The truth is

that embracing the “f-word” is the secret to experiencing

genuine freedom in our lives.

So, what is the “f-word”? Forgiveness.

In order to improve our lives, our relationships, and our

reality, we must learn and practice forgiveness. We must

forgive freely, liberally, and often. We must forgive

everything and everyone–especially the people we are the

most reluctant to forgive. But let’s take a few moments to

consider the true nature of forgiveness.

Guy Williams, a friend of mine who also happens to be a

minister of Religious Science, suggested this take on the

nature of forgiveness. Forgiveness simply means to give as

before. When we are angry with someone, when we harbor

resentment towards someone, we have stopped giving to him or

her. We no longer give that person our love or our

compassion. They have betrayed us and caused us pain. And we

know what happens anytime we have a painful experience,

right? Our egos immediately create a new frame and a new

belief in an effort to protect us from experiencing that

pain again in the future.

Our egos are reluctant to accept the truth that sometimes

unpleasant and painful experiences are unavoidable. Our egos

need to believe that they can protect us. Our egos need a

scapegoat–something (or someone) concrete that can be

identified, isolated and avoided. Holding onto our anger and

resentment keeps us separate from the person or persons who

betrayed us. This, in turn, reinforces the illusion that we

are separate from those individuals, and distances us from

the truth that there is no separation: We are all aspects of

All That Is. The less we remember the truth of who we are,

the more our essential spiritual and life lessons seem to

present challenges rather than opportunities. Everyone

always does the best they can at any given time, and that’s

all we can ever expect.

It’s worth noting that when we choose to hold a grudge and

to remain angry, we carry the pain of the betrayal with us.

We experience a small amount of pain each time we think of

it. The ego actually wants us to experience this pain,

because the little pain will serve to remind us how

important it is to avoid the big pain. And the only way to

avoid the big pain is to protect ourselves from close,

supportive relationships with those who have hurt or

betrayed us.

Frequently, the person that we most need to forgive is our

self. We betray ourselves each time we listen to the ego and

forget the truth of who we are. And the more we betray

ourselves, the more our egos try to protect us (from

ourselves, yet!) by strengthening the illusion of separation

from the Source. And of course, the more we believe the

illusion of separation, the more we betray ourselves, and

experience pain. The way to break out of this vicious circle

is to forgive ourselves–to “give as before.” We must learn

to express unconditional love and compassion for ourselves.

As we experience this love and compassion, we will reconnect

with our true selves. And the more we’re able to forgive

ourselves, the more we’re able to forgive others.


Post time: 12-02-2017